if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
