So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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