Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
