i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
did you just send me my own nude
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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