OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
