How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
