Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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