my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
