so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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