we made out on top of his cat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
