there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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