You're my little dorito
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my poor anus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
