you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
