All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
