i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
