I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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