I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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