the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
