I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
