the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
