this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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