PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He passed out mid-signature
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
