Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
