I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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