Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
