you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girls should come with a carfax report
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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