dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
