Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
