i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
