You really coming over, don't trick.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
