I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
