Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
