He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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