No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
