I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my liver is dry heaving
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize