I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
