Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
