We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
