Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
