We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
