The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
