Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
