he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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