So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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