Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
