The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
where does the pee come out of this thing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
