Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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