Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
