My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
