I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
